Dionysios, 337-305 BCE
AR Drachm 4.4 gm, 12h, 18mm
Obv: Head of young Dionysos, left. Rev: Naked Herakles erecting a trophy.
SNG.vAul.6936
It was tough to be a tyrant in ancient Greece. First, there was the fact that most of your family and friends wanted you dead, so they can be a tyrant themselves. Then there were the exhausting procedures of executing this guy and beheading that guy, then making sure the entire family was eradicated so you wouldn’t have to worry about someone getting revenge.
Nevertheless, as far as tyrants go, supposedly Dionysios of Heraklea Pontika wasn’t so bad. At the very least, he was smart.
He first came up against Alexander the Great, who luckily didn’t bother heading up there with an army. Still, he played nice with Kleopatra in order to avoid Alexander‘s direct intentions.
While at first happy that Alexander died, Dionysios was then exposed to the threat from Perdikkas. So, he befriended Antigonos I Monophthalmos and married Amastris, who was the niece of Darius III.
By cozying up to much more powerful players, Dionysios was able to keep his little kingdom and terrorize its inhabitants. In fact, he grew so sedate that he became extremely fat. Legend has it that he couldn’t eat naturally, but had to have food pumped in – though I somewhat doubt they had such medical technology at the time.
Nevertheless, I’m sure he was fat, and that must have been beyond gross for poor Amastris, who still gave him two sons. Eventually, Dionysios’ obesity got to him, and Amastris took over the kingdom until she was drowned by her two sons, who were killed by Lysimachos, who was taken down in battle by Seleukos I Nikator, who was stabbed in the back by Ptolemy Keraunos, who’s head was placed on a spike by the Gauls, who were massacred by the Aetolian League and Antigonos II Gonatas.
Weren’t those fun times!