Ancient Coin Stories

Perhaps nowadays, Teisiphon would have found his sister’s request to murder her husband unusual, but this wasn’t a normal family. His sister’s husband was the Tyrant Alexander of Pherae, world-renowned as a completely lousy guy.

Previously disinherited by the Thessalian Confederation and the subject of disgust among Greeks, Alexander would not be missed. He reached this power though a casual game of sibling-fratricide. First, he teamed up with his brother Polydoros to murder their brother Jason. About a year later, Alexander finished Polydoros off and claimed the throne for himself.

So, now, Teisiphon’s sister Thebe was asking for her three brothers’ assistance in offing her husband. Her motives remain unclear, but Alexander’s list of massacres and executions required multiple volumes in Santa’s Naughty List and she may have been freaked that she would be next. Still, the operation was far from simple.

Alexander, like any tyrant, was concerned for his well-being. His palace was guarded by soldiers and one very bid dog. Thebe’s brothers didn’t like the dog. So, she lured Woofos away with a doggy treat, placed wool on a ladder so they wouldn’t make noise sneaking into the palace during the day, and kept them hidden until night.

When Thebe ordered her brothers to finish the deed, they were apprehensive. After all, Alexander was known as a particularly brutish guy. He could think of ways to linger their deaths in the most gruesome ways. But, when Thebe threatened to turn them in unless they completed the task, the agreed. They held down Alexander, killed him, then tossed his body onto the street where it was torn apart by the people. The last part, though, seems a bit dramatic. I mean, was there a crowd that just gathered outside every night with the hopes of a royal body to tear apart, or was there an announcement for the public:

Attention: Tyrant mutilation festival at the forum today. Bring the kids! Lots of fun! Cake and cookies.

Once Alexander was out of the picture, Thebe and her brothers took power. However, it’s unclear whether they all ruled together, or whether there was some succession. Of the three, Teisiphon is the only one to mint his own coins. However, his brother Lykraphon is mentioned by Diodorus Siculus. Philip II, excited at the prospect of expanding Macedon’s influence by agreeing to Aleuadae’s request for help against Pherae, led a force against them.

Pherae then requested help from Phokis, who under Onomarchos managed to inflict two rare defeats on Philip. Undeterred, Philip returned the next year and, in the Battle of the Crocus fields, annihilated the forces of Onomarchos. The battle was considered the bloodiest in Greek history, and Philip made a point to deny the enemy burials due to their sacrilege against the Oracle of Delphi. He then turned his forces against Lykraphon.

Using his better judgement, Lykraphon agreed to exile to Phokis and handed Pherae over to Philip.

This history leaves the question: What about Teisiphon? Well, it seems like this has been lost to history. However, there are two likely answers.

The first is that Teisiphon didn’t long survive the transition. Given that even family Scrabble games could end in bloodshed in Pherae, it’s possible that Lykraphon eliminated both brothers within the first few years.

The other possibility is Diodorus was in error. He’s well-known for being unreliable, and in this case the coinage may suggest that it was Teisiphon who took control and negotiated with Philip II. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to really know.

We do know that Thebe and her brothers came to really like the Tyrant lifestyle. There were photo ops in Tyrant Monthly and service at restaurants tended to be awesome when bad service meant torture and death.

These new tyrants were eventually removed by Philip II, who was more of a “Tyrant in Chief”, which by Thessalian standards was an improvement. After Philip’s death, they would go on to briefly revolt against Alexander III, until he suggested to them that this action was unwise. Their cavalry then played an immense part in his conquering of the Achaemenid Empire.