Ancient Coin Stories

Among the most illustrious rulers in history, Ptolemy Keraunos is pretty far down the stack. He grew up in Egypt and was the son of the well-regarded Ptolemy I. However, when Ptolemy grew to realize what a rotten son-of-a-bitch Keraunos was, he gave the throne to Keraunos’ stepbrother, Ptolemy II, who promptly booted Keraunos when he took power.

Ptolemy Keraunos then went on a tour of Eastern Europe, during which time he pissed off pretty much every country. He started with Lysimachos, formerly a bodyguard of Alexander III. As a guest in Lysimachos‘ house, he convinced his host to kill his son Agathokles, which was very unpopular in the kingdom.

Aware that he was no longer Lysimachos‘ friend, Ptolemy Keraunos pleaded with the powerful Seleukos I Nikator, who – being a nice guy – stormed the Hellespont and killed Lysimachos. Grateful for the help in time of need, Ptolemy Keraunos offered to join Seleukos in prayer, then stabbed him in the back (literally).

Ptolemy Keraunos was now persona-non-grata pretty much everywhere, but he upped the stakes by marrying his half-sister Arsinoe II, then murdering her two youngest children on their wedding day. Arsinoe, who felt this an inappropriate wedding present, fled.

While Keraunos took charge in Macedonia, the Gauls crossed over. Thrilled at the prospect of pissing off some new people, he hurried to the battlefront without waiting for the proper reinforcements. There, the Gauls defeated him and placed his head on a spear to parade around. The world was not saddened by this.